Post on Frig Door…Nose/Snout Height.

(Below is part of a very funny email sent to me that I had to share, I added my own bits to it and changed a few things but for those of you who own pets, you’ll get a kick out of this)

Dear cats and dogs,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I promise I am not rading a secret stash of treats. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years –canine or feline attendance is not mandatory and there are not monsters in the bathtub drains, so, no, you do not need to protect me.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

• 1. They live here. You don’t.
• 2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
• That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)
• 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
• 4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

• 1. Eat less
• 2. Don’t ask for money all the time
• 3. Are easier to train
• 4. Usually come when called
• 5. Never drive your car
• 6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
• 7. Don’t smoke or drink
• 8. Don’t worry about having to buy the latest electronic gadgets
• 9. Don’t wear your clothes
• 10. Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and
• 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children